I find today that I am struggling somewhat with jealousy.
The green eyed monster has raised his head because I have a number of friends, fellow writers, all of whom seem to be doing so much better than I am when it comes to publishing. Now usually I don’t fall into the trap of comparables, I usually measure my success by my success not in comparison to other people’s successes – there be dragons. But today that’s not happening.
Behind this is the knowledge that a number of my friends are busy self-promoting and marketing their books while I’m busy writing and getting no-where. Their lives seem so much more successful and interesting than mine right this second. It’s probably not so, after all, I only hear the positives of their lives and you never know what’s going on inside someone else’s skin. But today it feels like they’re winning and I’m losing. Just to be clear, I don’t begrudge them a moment of their success and will shamelessly plug their books when they are actually out, I’ll do everything I can to support the writers and their works. Only right now, there’s a lot of teeth gnashing and a general feeling of frustration around my own work, so no matter how much I want to celebrate what they’re doing, I’m busy wishing I was doing something similar.
The writers I’m referring to are all self-publishing, while my work languishes with an agent and doesn’t appear to be going anywhere fast. Please note that this is due to publishers acceptances, or rather lack thereof, and the generally slow grind of glacial decision making that seems to epitomise traditional publishing, this is not a criticism of my agent, after all, a book of his shelf does no good until it’s sold, he’s got a living to make too.
I decided to do the traditional publishing route because a few years ago I tried self-publishing, and it didn’t go well. I simply don’t have the marketing skills, the budget or the time to do a good enough sales and promotion job to make self-publishing a viable option for me. And yes, this is another reason why I shouldn’t fall into the comparison trap, their choices to self-publish and mine to go the traditional route are very different outcomes and shouldn’t be compared.
When thinking of the book I did self-publish, I am also aware that I didn’t do a lot of the other things that I should have done in order to get a decent offering to market. For example, I didn’t get the damn thing edited, and all the reviews commented on typos on every page (they also commented that it didn’t spoil the read which was good to know). I’ve now removed the book from sale under the advice of my agent as he, rightly, raised concerns that the poor quality of that book would reflect negatively on anything else I try to sell.
By the way, two of the books that kicked off this rant have been thoroughly edited – I know this because I edited them – to the point that one of the writers nearly gave up because of all the tweaks and changes I suggested. Yes, I felt mean making someone feel that bad, and on the other hand, the book’s a damn sight better for it. Not sure if they’ve been proofread, but that’s not my bag. Yet I’m confident those two represent good, well paced, enjoyable stories to read.
But now I have books written and in progress, and no outlet for them until a publisher comes along, and there’s no guarantee that that will ever happen. My agent did warn me that this is the stage where I have to be inhumanly patient, but my psyche is somewhat struggling with that at the moment. Not sure why I’m having so much trouble, hell I was trying to get an agent for 27 years, so nine months of not getting a publisher is really just a drop in the ocean.
My main focus is on crime fiction, and that’s what I’ve got an agent working on selling. But I also write other genres. At the moment I have a steampunk book in progress, which I’m thoroughly enjoying writing. I hope that this one might appeal to the American market, but won’t know for sure until I’ve finished it. I’ve also got a few short stories out in the world, two of which have been accepted for publication (general horror and Lovecraftian), only both publications seem to have stalled so I’m not sure what’s going to happen with those.
Perhaps the problem is that my author friends are actively doing stuff to self-publish/self-promote, and I’m rather passive in waiting for something to happen along the traditional route. That is – I’m feeling helpless, useless, two things I don’t like feeling.
Right, well there you go, enough of the pity party. Time to get on with some other stuff, horror to read, comics to review and a steampunk novel to write.
Green mist starts rising…