Approaching fear

Well, NaNoWriMo starts in a couple of days.  I’ve written a load of articles that can go out through November, so I won’t feel I’m letting anyone at Warped Factor down. I’ve got a couple of blogs prepared so I can put them up quickly and easily – nothing to distract me.  I’ve got my characters, plot and research done and am even over the hurdle of not quite believing it.  I changed one name and the plot flowed out much more easily, with more twists and believability than expected, so there’s nothing stopping me.

So why do I have the feeling that I’m just not going to make it through NaNo?

There are a number of reasons – time constraints not being the least of them.  There’s also the fact that I have a novel that’s currently with my editor and due back today, and I kind of want to go through that and update it before I get into something else.

However I can tell you that there is more to this than that.  And weirdly, it can be summed up by some images from my Twitter and Facebook feeds.  The first was on Facebook,

 

positive-thinking

If a positive attitude leads to a positive outcome, the chances are that a negative attitude will lead to a negative outcome.  And the most negative thing is my life is my head, my attitude.  I rarely believe in myself to the extent that I should.  I always believe that I’m wrong, at fault or just plain not good enough.

Then this appeared on Twitter:

defeatist

 

While I can be defeatist (don’t blame me for the meme being misspelt), I would like to think of myself as middle class, but the fact is I’m not.  Working class all the way, that’s me, but we’re all entitled to try to make the most of what we have. So, no giving up.

Then there’s the other images that rang bells, well tolled them.

 

confined

This is basically the outline of my next novel.

 

emotions-you-fear

See the story I have in mind is about a woman who has been boxed up by convention and marriage, she has to break free.  And while that isn’t me, she is going to go and do a load of things that I would like to do, i.e. have a great adventure, but I’m too frightened to try.  I have a suspicion that in writing this book, that I might have to face some emotions in myself that I don’t/won’t want to deal with.

It might be difficult, and like any sane individual, I don’t welcome getting into difficulty that can be avoided.  Yet this difficulty, I fear, cannot be avoided if the story is to work.  And I want it to work.  So – into the breach…

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