Life is full of difficult moments, tough choices. I’ve not been around much this last month because I’ve been walking with the Black Dog. That doesn’t mean that I’ve been doing nothing. Mostly I’ve been writing and trying, and I’m going to keep on writing and trying, and who knows sometime it might pay off.
Today I wrote a passage about a character who did something only to feel crushed and embarrassed by the action later. That’s something I’ve done, I’m sure a lot of other people had done the same. It got me thinking. I’ve been reflecting on how my life shows in my writing. And it does. While I’m not adventurous, I don’t have the courage my characters show, I sure know how to make myself feel bad. I look at the characters that I put on paper and I put them through hell because that’s the crap I put myself through.
Take Charlie Bell. He’s a copper life – or I – turned into a killer. He ruined his life by making a difficult choice. He knew what he was doing and it didn’t stop him doing it despite the cost because it was the only way. Of course, he didn’t realise quite how much it was going to cost him. When he discovers the final payment, he shuts down. Won’t eat. Won’t communicate. Won’t even move. Everything is too much of a bother.
This is typical depression non-activity. Except for me. Comfort food is my downfall. Not much stops me eating.
But I get over it, and Charlie is forced to get out of his dark moment too. To find out what pushed him over the edge, and what brought him back in Locked Up.