Since going self-employed I’ve been generally very happy and upbeat. The last couple of days have changed that.
Before I was published, I was being told how I wasn’t good enough to get published. Now I’m published, I keep hearing how I’m not good enough to sell. That I’m not “in the genre”.
Usually when I hear that sort of thing, I try to stick two fingers up and move on. But I’m struggling to do that at the moment.
I’m feeling like a failure. I know I’m not a best seller, I don’t go easy on my readers, so I don’t get great sales, but I know that, I don’t need some trite, arrogant prima donna rubbing it in. Added to this is the fact that I haven’t heard from the agent I submitted to six weeks ago, so that feels like a rejection. I’ve just finished a novel that I don’t know what to do with – or indeed if it’s worth doing anything with. My editing commissions have dried up, and I failed an assignment on the correspondence course I’m doing. So I’m in a funk.
Oh and just to add insult to injury – I’m back to being anaemic and the iron tablets are upsetting my digestion.
Little wonder I’m feeling down really. Of course, this too will pass.
Okay, I only went for blood test, part of on-going anaemia monitoring. I take the iron tablets daily, but only one not the three I started on.
I’m talking about this not because of the event, but the lead-up. The letter telling me it was bloodletting time again, arrived last Thursday. It said because of Covid19, they’ve changed location on the blood test clinic. But the letter I got from the doctors surgery telling me where to go said “Entry is via the old Main Entrance”.
Think about that for a second.
The OLD main entrance.
You might not get this, but it exemplifies just how stupid intelligent people can be. It’s the kind of thoughtless that drives me nuts.
Let me explain, I know where the NEW main entrance is, because it’s the one I’ve had to use every time I’ve gone to that particular hospital, it’s been being extended for the last 10 plus years, the new entrance opened over 5 years ago. Despite living in the area 20 plus years, I haven’t used that hospital often, at least not until recently. Consequently, I had no idea where the old main entrance might be. With the other hospital in the city, I know where stuff is because that’s where I had to go for various specialist units – the eye unit for the kids – emergency ward for son’s appendicitis – Obstetrics/Gynaecology for me.
But that’s not the hospital I went to today.
I had to ask directions. Turns out the old main entrance is now hidden between new buildings. Without asking, no way I would have found it.
All the staff were brilliant, everything well arranged, all PPE on staff, it was efficient and friendly, and as the nurse who took my blood said, “It’s the new normal.”
Things you need to understand are that I’ve had depression for years, and been anaemic for years. There is a probable relationship between my anaemia and certain gynaecological problems, not the least of which extremely heavy periods. I’m also a woman of a ‘certain’ age, so there are other things I need to take into consideration (e.g. avoiding osteoporosis)
I’m revealing this to evidence that there’s never just one thing, and so you’re aware that I have tried lots of things. Lots of things which have had varying levels of success.
So, I went to the GP and as I expected, I cannot be prescribed anti-depressants. This is an oddity of my reaction to medication – it’s so extreme that even the mildest anti-depressant has a total zombification affect on me. I lose the ability to function and I don’t want to do that.
As an alternative, I’ve been researching natural routes to healing. So, I’ve started with something we can all do – looking at what I eat and drink. Changing a way of life isn’t easy and won’t be an instant turn around, but I need to take the first step.
I decided to start by researching vitamins and minerals to help alleviate depression and anaemia and the foods they are in.
Of course, the quickest route with this is to start taking supplements, so I have. I’ve selected a multivitamin, additional Vitamin D (missing from multivit) and Brewer’s Yeast. I’ve known a long time that vitamins need each other for best absorption so a multivitamin is always a good place to start.
NOTE: This is not medical advice. If you are prescribed anti-depressants, take them. I can’t so I’m trying this. Don’t follow suit without talking to your doctor’s advice.