Between other things today, I have been working on my short story for the Honno submission. I’ve got the word count to the exact allowance, and I’ve checked spelling and grammar, all seems okay.
Only thing is – I’m not sure if it’s great or awful.
This kind of self doubt is not exactly a me problem, it’s a writer thing. Lots of writers I know suffer with what’s called ‘imposter syndrome’. We’re all just waiting to be found out. The reality is that we’re not imposters, but writing is a difficult game.
Anyway, one thing about the short story, is that it’s actually an origin story for the main character in a new series that I’m working on. So I’m hoping that my story gets picked because it’s the first test of the character, so if it gets rejected, I’m in trouble for the series. Very nerve wracking.
Like a lot of writers I often feel that I’m going to found out as rubbish, that I don’t deserve to the title author (despite repeated publishing contracts). Such voices are also part and parcel of my depression, the constant negative voice that I can never be good enough.
It’s a debilitating way to think about yourself. Leaves you powerless and vulnerable. Anyway, this morning I stumbled on an article about the syndrome, I found it very interesting. Here it is if you want a read:
Yesterday, more by luck then anything, my husband actually managed to get hold of a bag plain flour! Yay! Baking time.
The plan was to make eclairs. I got all the ingredients out, put the oven on, started heated the water (salted by then), went to weigh the butter. The weighing scales briefly showed the code “Lo” then wouldn’t do anything. The batteries were dead. So I checked for spare batteries, and found the card for the type I needed – only to discover it was empty. Since I don’t have an alternative scale, there was no way for me to weigh the ingredients and I’m really not that good at guessing.
Another supermarket trip was required, so we managed to get more of the right batteries, got them home, put them in the scales – and nothing happened! It seemed the scales had died completely. Even my hubby had a look – after claiming that I’d put the battery in the wrong way around – loved that reaction, as you might imagine. But he couldn’t get it working either.
Turns out there was a sticker on the back of the battery, once that was removed the scales worked perfectly. By then I was wasn’t in the mood for baking.
So, powerless today, but baking tomorrow.