Too Fast

The days go too fast!

Only now am I seeing that I didn’t blog last night, that’s because I’ve been busy and tired.  I am finally making some headway with my WIP.  I know the story order and I am now moving through it start to finish. By being more logical about what can and can’t happen, what characters would or wouldn’t know at these various points is clearing the path so I can see where I’m going. Also by doing this, I’ve realised that there is a whole new thread that I need to weave in, and it’s a good one.

I think that one of the reasons I’m struggling so much with actually writing this book is because as it’s the series finale it draws together a lot of the threads from the earlier books. I’m conscious that it’s possible that a reader won’t have read those books, which means I have to do a fair amount of explanation. The problem is balancing that with the readers who have read the previous books, who don’t want to be bored.

Luckily, I have two characters who alternated books, so they can ask if something comes up that they don’t know about. I also have a third character who starts the book without his memory, and gradually regains it through the journey of the book, so I have ways to show the past, I just need to avoid data-dumps. They’re boring to read and as bad to write.

So that’s where you’ll find me at the moment, sitting and writing, and it’s great to be back in the swing of things again.

Oh, and on the natural health side. I’ve restarted the multivitamins, minerals and high-level iron, as a result my skin is clearing up again and I’m feeling generally better.

Hangover

Woke up with a hangover this morning, had a bad evening yesterday and a bottle of wine.  Normally one bottle I’d be okay with, but this one must have ganged up with the one I drank last week that didn’t give me a hangover at all, and they hoodwinked me.

Unfortunately, a discussion yesterday about returning to work turned me inside out, mentally and emotionally.  It’s something that I have to get past because I need to return to work at some point, finances and all that.  I just have to learn to deal with the stress and avoid the depression it brings on.

The hangover was dealt with by multivitamins, re-hydration, a couple of paracetamol, and a 3.5 km walk.  Actually really enjoyed the walk, same walk as the other day, but my legs feel less stretched than the first one, that’s an improvement.

On the positive side, since then I have worked out the plotlines of two novels.  The last of my steampunk series of five and a standalone crime one. Guess I need to start writing them.  Just not right now.

Essentials

Just to be clear, this like most of the pictures I’ve used in this blog were taken years ago. This one in Bloody Scotland (crime writing festival), about 5 years ago.

Got out today, only a walk to a local store for essentials – including a bottle of wine.  Trust me, after the best of three weeks in the house, it felt like an essential. Mind you, I’ve got a glass of it at my side, turns out it’s not as nice as I remember.  But there again, I did dry January, got through most of February with only one evening of drinking, and haven’t drunk anything since my melt down a few days before I started this blog, when I drank two bottles straight – and much to my surprise and my husband’s annoyance, didn’t have a hangover.

So today, I have:

• Taken my multivitamins, Brewer’s Yeast and iron
• Taken a walk
• Done a chore – vacuuming this time
• Done about 16 pages of editing
• Written 1800 words of my novel
• Taken a bath
• Listened to The Hairy Bikers Roadtrip CD
• And worried about my family

This last isn’t symptomatic of anything other than I have family I care about, these are worrying time and I feel helpless. Not depressed helpless, just I know I am helpless, there really isn’t anything I can do to help them, much as I want to.

Anyway tonight I’m going to sit in my bed, write a little steampunk while listening to mostly 80s rock, and sip on a glass of wine. Not glamorous, but it gets me through. So for anyone out there, just keep on rocking.

Down, Down

Deeper and down.

That’s where I am today. Really wanted every post to be a more positive one, but today has been a struggle. I’ve cried at the drop of a hat. Am barely functional.

I’ve ended up watching TV, mostly “Picard”, because I’m a bit of a trekker. Then “Rhod Gilbert and The Cat That Looked Like Nicholas Lyndhurst”.  I cried through both and felt like a total plonker for doing so.

I picked the Rhod Gilbert because I enjoy his shows, find him very funny. Thought that it would lift my mood, but I cried at several points, barely raised a laugh at all.  Except the bit at the end when he talked about his radio show in Wales. I’ve occasionally listened to that too.

If you’re at all squeamish, don’t read the rest of this, just know that I’m going to do my best to be more positive tomorrow.

The results of the multivitamins etc that I’ve started taking are leading to bit of loo lottery. Doubtless some  will complain that this is too graphic, but it’s an experience that I’ve had, and if anyone takes this route (with medical advice, of course) it’s worth being prepared because the first time this happened to me, I wasn’t.

Bathroom visits get interesting from an artistic point of view (if your tastes run to Damien Hurst or Gunther Von Hagens’ plasticised anatomy tableaus).  I take multivitamins in the form of an effervescent drink. The drink is bright yellow – so is the urine it produces.  I still haven’t stopped bleeding, so the drops, rivers, of red are no surprise. Then there’s the iron tablets, they turn faeces black. As unpleasant as this is, it’s worth knowing – otherwise it might give a scare when it’s least needed.

First Step

Went back to the GP today.

Things you need to understand are that I’ve had depression for years, and been anaemic for years. There is a probable relationship between my anaemia and certain gynaecological problems, not the least of which extremely heavy periods. I’m also a woman of a ‘certain’ age, so there are other things I need to take into consideration (e.g. avoiding osteoporosis)

I’m revealing this to evidence that there’s never just one thing, and so you’re aware that I have tried lots of things. Lots of things which have had varying levels of success.

So, I went to the GP and as I expected, I cannot be prescribed anti-depressants.  This is an oddity of my reaction to medication – it’s so extreme that even the mildest anti-depressant has a total zombification affect on me. I lose the ability to function and I don’t want to do that.

As an alternative, I’ve been researching natural routes to healing.  So, I’ve started with something we can all do – looking at what I eat and drink. Changing a way of life isn’t easy and won’t be an instant turn around, but I need to take the first step.

I decided to start by researching vitamins and minerals to help alleviate depression and anaemia and the foods they are in.

Of course, the quickest route with this is to start taking supplements, so I have. I’ve selected a multivitamin, additional Vitamin D (missing from multivit) and Brewer’s Yeast.  I’ve known a long time that vitamins need each other for best absorption so a multivitamin is always a good place to start.

NOTE: This is not medical advice. If you are prescribed anti-depressants, take them. I can’t so I’m trying this. Don’t follow suit without talking to your doctor’s advice.