I really should be writing. It’s a simple as that. I even want to be writing, but when I open up my current WIP or either of the other two I have reason to be writing, all I see is a blank sheet and no words. Well I see the words I’ve already written, but nothing new springs to mind.
So I was about to close down, and give up for the day, when I saw Document1 was still open. This document. Not having any trouble writing this document. But that may be because of the nature of this document.
This is my blog. I can write whatever I want to write here. I don’t have to make sure that it makes sense as it follows on the heels of the last blog. It doesn’t have to relate to anything in the next blog either. It’s its own little world of words – a standalone. This way I am free and can just type a stream of consciousness scribbling thing, and let sentences kind of get away from me like this one did. I do go back and edit – most of the time – but sometimes I let the creative weirdness stay in.
The truth is that the last six months have been well, pretty naff actually. I have struggled with stress and depression. Don’t get me wrong, I have a good life, there is a great deal that I have to be grateful about in my life. But getting depression isn’t one of them. Depression can dump all over you like an incontinent dog with diarrhoea, and sometimes there is just nothing you can do to stop it. Which is where I am now.
I’m trying to get past it, really I am, but this mental block on the writing is just starting to wind me up. I’m not sure if being able to write this is helping or making matters worse since it’s such a stark contrast to where I was a few minutes ago. I want to write the next scene of my WIP. Even kind of know what it is, but I sit down to try and can’t, been like that a few days now. I suspect that somewhere in the back of my mind I know there’s a problem with what I’m going to write. That probably means that I’m going to have to wait until that “somewhere” figures out what is going on and jumps up to tell conscious me what the problem is.
This mid-book funk is unusual for me and I don’t like it. I want it and the depression to go away. Hand in hand into the sunset. Yep, that would do. A romantic break together.
I suspect what I really need is a restful break from the day job, but I can’t see that happening anytime soon either. Well, except that I’m going to Crimefest is 46 days, that’s always something I look forward to. Anyway, sorry it’s a bit of a blue afternoon, hope to have something more cheery to write next blog.