Tag Archives: september

Full on

I haven’t been blogging because I’ve struggled through August and into September. The struggle has, to be fair been mostly about time, just had so much on, I’ve had to prioritise stuff and unfortunately blogging fell off the list.

Though August I had a 114k edit, a good book, but that’s a lot to get edited in 4 weeks. Then it was my wedding anniversary (29 years), my daughter’s birthday (23 years old), work in the garden that had to be done because plants work to their schedule and never mind the rest, and there were things in and on the house that needed to be sorted.
Though in fairness, I have to say that the garden (the front garden) looks lovely now, am really proud of it. This year (in case you missed previous posts) we’ve ripped out 22 year old bushes (not a fun or easy job), and covered the beds with chipping to just place out flower pots as they are much easier to maintain. I love the way the garden looks.

Our house is south facing, so we’ve also had a load of work done to replace the facias and guttering, but more importantly, we’ve had a new roller door fitted to the garage. This was actually done on Monday, so only three days ago now, and it’s already proving a boon. To get our vehicles on the drive (well the campervan) that van has to be put very close to the garage door to fit, so the old tilting door couldn’t be opened with the camper in place. Now this one rolls up without going out and we can get things in and out through the garage without having to move stuff – it is amazing how much of a difference that makes! Looks great out there now.

We also finally got a load of pictures back from the framers. One was a reframe because it was an old picture that had been my parents and over the years the frame had decayed, so needed replacement, and the rest were things that we’ve had for ages, but just didn’t have framed. Now they are all back, and they are up on the walls and it’s lovely to get some colour and art up. Am really pleased with how they look.

Though August I really struggled to write anything of my own. Again, it was mostly a time factor, but when I did have a few minutes to sit down and write, I found it a real struggle. So, I stopped trying. Thankfully the first week of September we were away on hols in the campervan, and I had the time and space to stop for a while, and now my writing is flowing again.

It was much the same with reading, really struggled. Now with all the work around the garden/house, I did manage to get through a few audible books – the exact reason why I love audible. My favourite book has to be Denzil Meyrick’s “Whiskey From Small Glasses”. I absolutely loved it. Will put a blog up on my other blog (GB Williams Crime Blog) soon, but I have a rash of blog tours to do my bit for this week – another thing that’s kept me busy.

On the writing front, while I haven’t been writing much, I have been working on blurbs and cover art and trying to get a blog tour organised, so it’s all good, all on-going.

Thankfully the first week of September we were away on hols in the campervan, and I had the time and space to stop for a while, and now my writing is flowing again.

Anyway, am now hoping that normal service will be resumed, whatever the hell ‘normal service’ is.

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Ten Minutes of Terror

No I didn’t go on a zombie run or do a locked room breakout.   I went to meet a bunch of authors and hear them read sections from their novels.  All were from Bloodhound Books, and one of them was me.

Meeting authors doesn’t sound that terrifying does it?  Well, in fact, it’s not.  Even we crime fiction authors are actually a very nice bunch.  In fact, it was a great night.  All but 10 minutes of it were great.  But there were those ten minutes.  Ten minutes, when I had to stand up in front of 60 plus people and read out my own work – TERRIFYING!!!

Here’s the thing, I am afraid of people.  It’s not quite the same as I’m afraid of spiders – I don’t squeal and shout “kill it!” when I see another human, sometimes want to, but generally, I don’t.  Yet the fact remains – I am afraid.

I’m afraid I’m going to mess up.  Make a fool of myself.  I fear being laughed at, heckled, verbally attacked, physically attacked. I write crime so I spend a great deal of my time thinking about just how horrendous people are to each other.  That’s what I fear.

I should add that this is related to my ever-present depression.  Because of the depression, I have spent most of my life trying not to leave a mark.  Hide in the shadows, don’t make a sound.  For those who actually know me, and are thinking – what?  She’s not like that – Actually I am.  I learned years ago that that behaviour gets me nothing and actually hurts me, so I try to overcome it. Probably over compensate a fair amount. People assume I’m standoffish, well, they don’t assume it, they’re right – I am standoffish – until I get to know someone, then I can relax and be me.

But this is a confidence trick, inside I am still a scared little girl.

I also want to make clear that this is not just a vague nervousness, its real heart attack terror time. I worry about going into the office every day because of the number of people there so imagine how I feel when faced with a bunch of strangers. Anyone could be in that bunch – including the real-life serial killer let alone the ones in my imagination. Which means I was literally quaking in my Doc Martins, my heart was hammering like I had run a mile (like I  could run a whole mile!)

So I guess you’re wondering why I’m writing this post – well it’s not that I want to mention that

LOCKED UP on will be released on 7th SEPTEMBER,

or anything.  Well okay, it is, but it’s more than that.  The author’s job doesn’t stop at writing a book, we also have to promote ourselves and our work, and shrinking Violets do not do that well. Which means I have got to face this fear and overcome it.

Next question – how?

Well, exposure therapy.   Basically, I’m looking for open mike events to attend. I am going to go face my fear where it is ‘safe’ to do so.  It won’t be easy or fun, but I have to do it and the more I do it, the more I can trick the audience that I have confidence, and then who knows, maybe one day I might even convince myself.

 

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